A couple of weekends ago, there was a Locals Appreciation Day at one of the outdoor recreation outfitters in my town. They were offering $5 rafting trips to locals, and I had done their discounted zipline deal for locals last year and had a blast. I chose rafting this year and it was my first time. I was so excited! And I did have a great time … but my great time was threatened by an unintentionally awful comment from one of the guides while we were gearing up.
After the safety overview, we were let loose to gear up like so: wetsuit, then splash jacket, then flotation vest and helmet. I got dressed to the jacket layer and was heading over to grab a flotation vest when a guide stopped me and said "we want to wear our PFDs (stands for Personal Flotation Device) over our jackets so if we need to be pulled out of the water, we can be pulled by the handles on our shoulders" and it took me a moment to realize that he was telling me this because he thought I was already wearing my vest under my splash jacket. I was not. What he thought was a big puffy flotation vest was just my body. Ouch. I cannot believe I was even able to speak, but I said "I understand that. I am not wearing a PFD yet…" and I do not know what his reaction was because I could not even look at him. I felt like a huge freak. As the guide turned around to grab me a vest, I whispered to my friend "that must be how it feels to be asked when you're due when you're not even pregnant" and I even felt myself choking up a bit. I stood there feeling disgusting for a few minutes, but then I snapped out of that funk and decided that this was going to be a blast and that place + time was not appropriate to keep feeling bad for myself.
The river trip ended up being a lot of fun, but that interaction was branded into my brain and it has replayed so many times in the past couple of weeks. I know that I am overweight and I have tried many times before to get and stay fit, but lately I have not consistently eaten well or exercised, and here we are. I have been motivated by the glimpse of myself through someone else's eyes, and I have been exercising daily and eating consciously since then. I need to get over to the rec center to weigh in and give myself an official starting point to work from, and buy a month or 3-month membership. I am glad I stumbled upon this sub today because I need accountability and a place for support, but I used to do beachbody and don't want to seek support from that community this time.
Thank you for reading!